Thank you for believing in us….even through the storms.

Kudos to all you wonderful people who are there for those who are anxious, depressed or have panic. We ARE still the same people but we are just trapped in a prison we have no idea how to escape from. But there are good days too when the light shines through. Fight or Flight? Easier said than done when the fear of sadness hits. Me? I run when it is bad or at least my brain does. When I fight it then that is usually when I lash out to protect myself.
Oddly, I identify with children and animals and they ease my fear and pain. I am often best when someone else is in a state of whatever and I am calm and I help them. But, often during the fight as opposed to flight, I am bold like the old me and I stand up for myself against the people who condemn me. Often those who claim to love and follow the scripture. They might want to read some of that again.
Either way, for those who stand by us and BELIEVE in us, THANK YOU is not enough, even if we may not show it.

PANIC & The chaos that surrounds it. I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world. But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t. So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now. But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life. I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see. Posted on August 16, 2017 Categories abuse, addiction, angels, Anxiety, blogs, christianity, disagree, facebook, friendship, God, Honesty, illusion, Living Life, love, magic, panic, panic attacks, Pinterest, poetry, quotes, random quotes, re-training the brain, toxic people, toxic relationships, wordpress 5 Comments on PANIC & The chaos that surrounds it. Edit “PANIC & The chaos that surrounds it.” SOMETIMES………I TALK TO AN OWL SOMETIMES………I TALK TO AN OWL Sometimes sleep eludes me and I cannot find my ability to just go to sleep. I might be sad or mad or just in a moment where my mind is still racing with thoughts because I think. A LOT. I think about life and people and love and loss. I think about why or who or where or what might or might not be. Sometimes I just cannot sleep because I am excited or God only knows why it might be but tonight I talked to an owl. Crazy, yes? Probably but it was out there as it is every night making its hoot so I tried to mimic it just to see what would happen. It answered back. It understood my voice but I have no clue what it was saying. I think sometimes life is like me and the owl. We hear but we cannot understand what others are saying. We mimic the lives of others and yet we do not even understand why they live like they do. Tonight I talked to an owl and the owl talked to me but I will never understand what he was trying to say. Maybe we should learn from the owl. My thought for the day. lol Posted on August 7, 2017 Categories agree, blogs, facebook, friendship, Honesty, illusion, Living Life, love, random quotes, re-training the brain, twittter, Uncategorized, wordpress Leave a comment on SOMETIMES………I TALK TO AN OWL Edit “SOMETIMES………I TALK TO AN OWL” CRAZY SUE CRAZY SUE I wrote this when I watched a lifetime movie. I do not like like lifetime but got talked into it. lol. So I thought this song was good for it. hahahahahaah A COUNTRY and/or LOVE SONG We lived together for 12 long years, before you finally said I do. I didn’t know that piece of paper would mean for us, that we were through. You said you would love me forever, I didn’t know that meant for a day. Cause you left me the very next morning, When Piggly wiggly Sue, stole your heart away. Now I’m stuck with six kids, ages 11 down to three While you took her bowlin’ And you watched movies in 3D. My heart has been broken, yeah, broken in two So I hope you are happy and she’s happy with you. I had us big dreams you know, cookouts and figs, But you left me here, with kids, chickens and pigs. Well, it’s been a month now and I’m starting to heal, I guess in love, well, nothin is real. So here is some news for you, Romeo Joe, A tidbit of info you ought to know. Last week my BFF Kathy set me up on a date I have really found true love, guess it aint never too late. The next night he gave me a ring, a real beauty divine, This morn we got married at quarter till nine. L.S. Rockel Posted on August 6, 2017 Categories blogs, facebook, friendship, Honesty, illusion, kids, Living Life, love, poetry, Uncategorized Leave a comment on CRAZY SUE Edit “CRAZY SUE” Random Quotes from my brain…. Random Quotes from my brain…. If you want someone to listen, never say you are wrong, always be kind and never seem to make a mistake, befriend a nun. I hold few of those qualities because I am human. Posted on August 6, 2017 Categories Anxiety, blogs, facebook, friendship, Living Life, love, Uncategorized Leave a comment on Random Quotes from my brain…. Edit “Random Quotes from my brain….” Perhaps i did…… When she died…. Perhaps I did go a little crazy when she died. Maybe losing the child you gave birth to and watched grow up and cared for with her disability and never realized she would be gone without warning at 23 made me different. You do not understand and I hope you never do understand. That means you lost your child too and I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone. It is a loss you learn to live with but never get over.You learn to laugh again and God brings other love into your life but it does not take away the pain at times. I became better in some ways but in others I changed. I needed more from those I loved, I was scared and I was devastated. I developed panic issues. I went through the five stages. I went through Hell and came back a little burned. i turned back to God and I have tried to make her proud. I have loved my only other child and adore my family. But, yes I changed. When you lose a child you always do. I hope you never have to look at me and say, ” I understand”. Posted on August 6, 2017 Categories Uncategorized 2 Comments on Perhaps i did…… When she died…. Edit “Perhaps i did…… When she died….” Random Quotes Life is like a busted sewage system sometimes. The more honest you are, the more crap you have to clean up. Posted on August 6, 2017 Categories Uncategorized Leave a comment on Random Quotes Edit “Random Quotes” Everybody hurts Everybody hurts In the world today, everyone, at some point, feels hurt pain,love and loss. My heart goes out to all of you because I have been there and still go through it. I do not know why sometimes it has to be so hard or hurt so much. I didn’t understand it when I lost my oldest daughter or my newborn son. But there is love as well. It heals you and it feeds you and it nourishes the soul. It keeps us sane and it keeps us grounded. Our world is becoming more distant from actual human contact with cell phones and computers and etc. But a cell phone cannot hug you unless you make it. It does not have a soul. A computer cannot replace a face to face encounter even with face time and things like that because you cannot hug on face time. The thing I always try to remember is that we all have to be there for one another. In a world that has replaced electronic devices with the effort of human contact and communication, we have to reach out ourselves. We have to be the bridge that connects one soul to another. Another of my many pointless to some points but I write them from the heart. Have a great day!

It was during the storm that I needed you… Not when the sun came .

It was and is at the worst times of my life that I need you, not during the good. The good times are when we can laugh together. But to be able to laugh, it is so needed to have you there when it is storming in my mind, the rain is pouring, I have prayed, cried, tried, or done anything to make this chaos go away.
You always have an excuse or “it is my fault” but love is about being there during those times. You are for others. When I am at my worst is when I need you to be there at your best. I never knew that being there when I was needed but then asking for help when I need it would result in so much judgment. I thought that was what love was for. I believe, of course, I will get through it but I just needed you. And you were gone until everything was fine again. But it has always been that way.