One Simple Act of Forgiveness

I have held on to this hate I didn’t even realize was there for almost 12 years. I said I would never forgive you when our daughter died for all the times you were not there for her. I hated you. I hated the fact that she still loved you and saw you when she could but I never said anything because I didn’t want her to think she had to make a choice.
I hated you for having to force you to help me when she needed things because you didn’t pay child support but then you would push her aside if your wife’s daughter got jealous or whatever the case was that month or year. I hated when you remarried and allowed your wife to call her things. Yes, she was grown by then, so young and the autism she fought and mostly won and how kind she was and loving but you never seemed to care.
I especially hated you when I had to force you to help pay for her service when she was killed and then you only asked about the watch you gave her for Christmas two months before back because it had cost you probably more money than you had ever given her or helped with. So many things that I just could not get past and I told you, “Never speak to me again”. But it hurt me more than you. I heard you regretted it all later but it was too late. But then, something strange happened a few days ago.
I looked at her picture and she was about forgiveness. Forgiving you, me of my mistakes, bullies who I tried to defend her against but she was like, “I got this mom. It’s all good”. She never quit being kind until they became her friends. Forgive. That was her REAL name and I realized to live and be whole I HAD to forgive you. I prayed, I pondered, I cried but finally I sent you the message. I did it and she was right. It is like a stone has been lifted off on me. I let go of the hate, the bitterness and all of it. I feel so different. Just from a simple act of forgiveness.
THAT is the lesson I learned from our daughter. That is who she was. That is how she lived her life.
Now I know why she did.

Advertisements

Author: artista10

Living Life.

7 thoughts on “One Simple Act of Forgiveness”

  1. This is an amazing post! So honest, so raw, so sad, so painful, yet full of the love of Jesus. Only he could soften your heart to a place of forgiveness and reading this today makes me give him glory afresh for comforting the wounded and giving them that peace that passes all understanding. You truly are an amazing lady and I wish you continued comfort as you walk on this difficult journey of grief and hate then battling with altering your mind to feel the right thing. Your forgiveness towards all those who so cruelly hurt you is what will give you life. Thank you so much for sharing this precious piece of writing.

    1. Thank you Candice. It has been so much like releasing a toxic gas from my body. It has been healing and I am glad too. I prayed for so long but I didn’t realize it was hate. Thank you always for your kind words. I love your blog also. it is is kind of like a puzzle at first. I was new to other blogs and had to fit it together but when I can, I go over and check out more new, neat things! God Bless you too!And I am glad your daughter is doing better too! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s