I just don’t have many words or know what to say about this last month.

I have had so many ups and downs with anxiety this month and trying to re-direct my mind and strange feelings in my body I just don’t know where to begin. The anxiety meds were the same brand but from a different manufacturer. (Found that out from Pharmacist) so that has made for a painful month. Edgy, worried, the meds made me usual but usually they just keep anxiety and panic away.
So I tried a variety of different things and of course, few worked but some did. i even tried the new CALM app. It is good but you know anxiety. I almost had a panic attack. I have not slept well because I am overthinking everything. all. night. long.Sooooo, needless to say, my advice is always, always ask your pharmacist if your same brand meds are from the same manufacturer you usually get them from.
However, so far, i am toughing it out. Just so very frustrating. ugh. lol.

Advertisements

When your child grows up and has a child and you become an alien to them….. Like an alien invaded their parent’s mind and now there is a stranger in front of them.

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, because I said so,  clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha ).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.

Grandparents… A beautiful life

The life of a grandparent can be funny, happy, difficult and it falls into so many categories that is hard to name them all. But one rings out. Joy. Your baby has a baby now. Then maybe another and another and another and whether you have one child or ten, most will have those beautiful little aliens we call grandchildren.

So different, so unique, so beautiful and yet so different from having a child. Your child. NOW, you are on the sidelines, watching your child raise theirs and hoping you taught them all the right things but this or these little ones you love so much. But your role of raising is over so now you watch.

The joy of a grandparent is we for the most part, get to spoil and love this group. It is no longer our job to sweat it out on how to be sure they grow up right because we don’t have that option. So we love, cuddle and try to be a positive happy force in their life.

You also have different kinds of grandparents. Some cannot get enough (me) and some want to love and enjoy but now it is their time to do what they want to do so they do it. Vacations, lunches, and etc. etc. That is cool too. They have that right. The not so great grandparents who act like their kid never had a kid, so it is not their job to help or really do anything but see the grandchild occasionally.

Some of us cringe when they get disciplined. Yes, we had to do it but we feel powerless seeing this tiny creature have to be disciplined for their actions. We see our mistakes with our kids in some of the parenting our kids do to theirs. Then we feel the guilt or pride, depending on how well they do with our little “peeps”. Regardless it is a whole new world no matter how you approach it and it is a whole new part of our lives. As for me, I love it. I love my little “peeps” and I love watching them grow. I hope all grandparents feel the same.

When life throws lemons in your face, taste the tango….

Yep, that’s right. When Life throws you lemons, brew a cup of coffee or tea or just taste the tango. Sit down and sip the good strong taste. I am not a laid back guru type but I do meditate sometimes. Just to get away from it all. I find music soothing and when life turns sour, I have to do something to control the hot temper I am known to have.
I am very outspoken and I am not one that can easily curb my tongue but I do try. Sooooooo, I try to find ways when life throws a curve to boomerang it back so I can smile and act like the smiling sweet and calm person I am often not. Since I have anxiety this is VERY important. I will overthink why there is a reason my egg yolk busted. There must be someone cursing me that day. hahaha.
So, I guess I am trying to encourage those of us who can get discouraged easily to find ways to fight back without killing someone. I wouldn’t think that would be a very good idea. So, remember throw that lemon in the trash and get to brewing.

Panic and the chaos that surrounds it….

I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world. But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t. So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now. But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life. I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see.
I am re-posting some of my blogs that helped get through.