I am enjoying the day, listening to the rain and just hoping all of you out there are having a good day. In a world of chaos, conflict , panic, anxiety and depression, it is nice to also find the joy, peace, good days, a song you just like to hear even if you have listened to it 100 times,lol and well, just have a good day! So to all of my friends out here, I hope it is a great day for you!
I thought I was going to put in the book of world records for a cat being pregnant the longest but she had them! lol. So, finally the babies have arrived! Just a share for my fellow cat lovers of the day!
When my cat got preggo, I looked it up. It said 2 to 2 and a half months. Well, they must mean once they get fat. It seems like it has already been three months and she is still holding. lol. We think everyday, she will have them today but nope. Still no kitties so I have concluded she is going to carry them nine months like women do.
Just a little share for the day! Maybe tonight. Just maybe. lol.
I do not know where it came from now almost four years ago but I fight it daily and I hate it. I love my life and I am happy but it is a happiness that is dependant on hoping and praying the depression or anxiety does not come. i fight it, I do yoga, I have tried so many things and I would have to say the depression is worse because it is harder to knock but the anxiety and panic are scary. I just wish they would visit a mountain for a while and let me get back to the me who was happy without fear or sadness.
I am so confused. I am a good person, I think. I just do not understand why so many people have turned away and just ignore me. I am always trying to help, come when needed, and I used to do anything and still do that I could to help. I baked all of the family Birthday cakes and on and on.
However, when I got this panic disorder a few years ago is when it started. I reached out to family and friends to see if anyone could come by or text or pray or just come sit for a couple of hours. I had one friend who came, a sister who came when my husband called and I do have some family I connect with but I was cursed, told I was trying to take advantage of them and that being kind and helping them did NOT mean I was supposed to expect ANYTHING in return.
Needless to say, that hurt. But if I am such a good person and people will not answer my fb post or textes or etc. I can only figure maybe it is because I am outspoken? I am a person who believes it is better to be honest than to be two- faced or like many people now, just be fake, smile, say everything is fine when deep down, they are suffering.
Then the people who want to be friends or close family but only if you agree with everything and never say a word about your issues or if you do, you have to be in awe with their solution and do it or they shun me. If one sister in particular is upset with me, anyone around her ends up not speaking to me. I was also bitter for a while when my daughter died but this year marked 11 years and for anyone who has lost a child, it still hurts. Of COURSE you go on but it hurts. I had five family members contact me to say they were thinking of me and I have a HUGE family.
We were always a close family until my daughter died and then the family got more critical of me each year. I am no saint by any means and I am sure my being outspoken does NOT help but is it me or them? Am I that bad?
Winter break and I have the kids. My gbaby and “adopted” gbaby. Well, we kind of all adopted each other but she feels like we are nonna and Papa and we feel the same. Kudos to all those moms who work and have kids! OMGOSH! How do they do it? I mean, do NOT get me wrong. Stay at home moms work just as hard as I am now realizing. They have been PERFECT and I am loving every minute but I realize just how much it takes!
I worked a lot when mine were growing up because I had to. But being here with these two, I am thinking, wow! These moms, one of them my daughter, work all day, come home, clean, take care of the kids, get stuff ready and then, i assume fall exhausted into bed and do it all again. I am just here with the girls and it is go,go,go right here at the house. Like I said, I LOVE it but it is a very time consuming job.
I could not imagine doing this and working especially if there are toddlers. Mine were six years apart. But one child or seven both are jobs within jobs. I am so glad I have these two who are so sweet and cause me very little if any problems but golly, it is a tough job. Just making sure they are okay and breakfast and lunch and then dinner and baths, and during school homework and activities and these moms are working on TOP of it all. In a perfect world, ALL moms could stay home but it is not a perfect world so some have to work away and some have to work at home.
So, like I said, I totally admire and know stay at home moms are just as tired but I have to give an extra shout out to the working away from home moms! I don’t know how you do it but wow, kudos to you ALL!
Let me start by saying this has Christian content and the basis is how it can be bad to be the “perfect” Christian and how I feel MYSELF about the damage that can do because I do believe that is not what being a Christian is about. It is about being real. That being said, I have to say, as in my title, I may fail but I am real and I have no problem admitting my own failures.
I look and see so many “perfect” Christians and I almost feel sick. They are perfect to everyone on the outside in every way. They do all the church outings, help, know the Bible like the back of their hands but if you watch, they will rarely admit they are wrong about anything Biblically related. If you offend them, they will walk away instead of trying to understand why their Christian brother or sister is bothered. That is not what the Bible says to do.
I screw up all of the time. I get angry. I get upset. I am a Christian and I am NOT in a dark place as I have been told before. I am REAL. I am human. I am not perfect. So, I do not fit the mold to these other Christians who think they are so in line with everything Biblical. Do they reach out to those in need outside of their church? Do they help someone who might need a place to stay for a while although it might “intrude” on their family style?
Do they only go around the people who, like them, smile and act as though nothing is ever wrong in their life? Do they want to be there when someone cries out, “Help me?” Actions. That is what we are called to do. Live in action. We can be human and believe. We can be real and still believe. When was the last time I walked into a church and after going a while, I was able to say, “Hey, I am like so off the charts of the “normal” Christian but I sure would love to have fellowship with some who might fail daily like me even though we get back and try again?” Never.
But here is where I do right. I accept the broken because I am broken, I accept the lost because at times I am lost too sometimes. I can be around those who have problems and identify because I have problems too. I am a Christian but my life is real.