I decided to try and deal with this but it has been a while since I have been on. I started working on my books, published two on Kindle, went back to painting and had three accepted into an art gallery. I have move, tried to keep busy but I no longer fight it when I feel anxiety or panic coming on.
Now, I just scream stop in my head and I know it will last but truly I have not had near as many. I am happy with that. I changed my thinking to worry less and give it to God. I also learned that my excessive focus on thinking on things triggered it and that I cannot change things I am worried about. I cannot make it better, I cannot make the person do something they know I wish for so much and I SURE cannot make someone love me no matter who it is.
I cannot control relationships where someone does not want it. I cannot make people want to be my friend or to talk to me. I cannot make people understand panic or anxiety and I won’t and don’t try anymore. I believe in me and I know I can do it but I had to let go of so many thoughts and feelings and hurts.
I learned that with some people, the more they know you are hurt because you ask over and over, they are controlling people and you have to let it go by letting them realize that NO MATTER what it is, they can control or destroy you. Maybe they do not even realize that is what they are doing but either way, not my issue to deal with. They cannot do anything to you that you do not allow. Yes, in some areas it hurts but it still won’t change so you go on and you re-group and you let it go.