The life of anxiety & Panic.

Very slowly cutting back on my meds and I mean slowly, a tiny bit at a time but I am amazed at how much of a difference it makes. I have to be careful but I am happy that I can even be at this point. I am still battling the mind but it is slowly getting better and I feel like I am getting back to me . I do not expect every day to be a success but I do not think it doesn’t have to be either.

I am learning to stress less, let go, not fixate on a thought and worry it into me to the point of feeling like it is going to drive me insane. I am learning to let  go of people’s ways and take them for who they are. I am me, they are them. What I might think is uber important and I need them, they may not even realize they were needed or maybe they just didn’t have time.

Before I got sick, when people called, I came to the best of my ability to be there. That is just my nature. I cannot stand to see people hurting or suffering and I cannot stand to sit till if someone is in need or needs someone. BUT, that is me. The way God geared me and that is what was hard for me. We are all made different. I am learning to accept that.

I am learning that is okay to have my heartbeat go up a bit.  It is exercise OR it is just happening. I have had some test done, not all but then again most have come back normal. If I I  take them all and all are normal, well, either way, life is life. What is going to happen will. That is why I feel my faith is important. If we believe in nothing, it can add to the anxiety. Or in my opinion anyway.

So today is another quest. Another challenge, another beautiful day that I hope to conquer. Today is here. I am here. That is awesome.

Why your children think you have gone haywire when they have a child

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, you have it this way ,  clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha ).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.