PANIC &anxiety; ANXIETY WEEKLY JOURNAL

Well, this time of the last week or so was a plop. But I hung in there, I had good moments and bad moments and I had days I could have pulled my hair out and days I thought a nervous breakdown was on the way but I did all of my ways of dealing and hung in there. I even had to resort to meds. I exercised,  I got angry, I cried, I laughed and then I kept telling myself, you can do this. I prayed, I did Hypnosis , I used my calming music and my music that uses binaural to lift your emotions. I used every method I could think of.

The upside is that I did stay sane. Thank God for that. I am learning that I have to let set backs, be just that, set backs until I am finally able to get past this stupid issue that plagues me. Just wanted to check in with my fellow sufferers and say, yes, it can be done. It is hard, it takes a lot of work, it IS a mind game but NOT a mental illness. It is simply challenging your mind to stop those negative thoughts on the days when you feel you could freak. Still one more heart test and then I will know this IS all a panic thing. Good day my friends.

LIVING TOGETHER VS. MARRIAGE

I was pondering my thoughts, yes, that can be scary but I was thinking about living together vs. getting married and before I get any rude comments, I did it myself before I became as most of you call me “religious”. lol. It is to me, kind of like renting houses. You check them out before you buy because you know it is most likely a lifetime change. Living together is the same thing. You check out the person first to make sure that is something you want for a lifetime. You do everything like a married couple except sign a paper. Then, if it is not what you like, you move on. Sadly, someone usually is left with a broken heart and sometimes a kid who didn’t ask for any of it to start with. Kind of a cheap trade off for a simple paper that states you are willing to invest, the love, time and energy into that person, for better or for worse. So, for those who do hold biblical beliefs, that is a chance that now, looking back, why bother? If they love you enough to act married, why don’t they love you enough to commit? Someone once told me, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?’ Just food for thought.

PANIC ATTACK WORK WEEK

I watched a video by Bob Magroove on anxiety and he said to guard your mind just like a security guard guards a building. So I have placed in my mind a glass wall in the front of my mind. Standing guard are two warrior angels. They allow NO negative feelings or panic or any other type of anxiety to enter.

When I feel it, I watch them in my mind, guarding my wall. God has commanded them to allow no negative anything, no panic, no etc. I am having success the last two days I have tried this. I am standing strong against the weakness in my mind that I allowed to enter. Yes, you heard me right. We allowed this to enter by not keeping our minds sharp and on guard.

I remind myself to stay off the complain train. I keep a lookout for negative people who might try and enforce any things that might try and weaken me. This is a real issue and these are real problems. NOT like those fighting cancer or otherwise but to us, it is crippling so I am working to take charge of my life today! Good day to us all and may we hold strong!

Today is today. Anxiety Journey

I have thus far had a great day. I am taking control and doing what I can. I am listening, learning, praying, struggling, trying, crying, laughing and putting my best feet forward which, is only two, since I am a human. I am finding a bit of my humor back, I am learning to accept what CAN be changed. ‘

I am realizing it is harder than I thought in some ways yet easier in ways I never dreamed. I am started to get back up and face the demon within that has tried to consume my life. I am seeing this for what it is and that helps a lot. I am trying to set new goals and watch funnier movies even though I hate comedy.

I am dramatic at times, quick tempered but not nearly as bad as I used to be, reaching out, learning to give of myself and accept I might get hurt. That is life. I am writing, blogging, drawing, painting, taking pictures and dreaming. I am learning to appreciate the blessings and letting go of the bad things.

I am learning and that is a very good thing. ūüôā

Week of anxiety training

Well guys, I have my ups and my downs as expected. I had a few times of coming close but I tried to remember I am in charge of my brain and thoughts. I was able to stop them before they got full strong. So far at least. I have some issues I battle because they seem on the fence BUT I am still hanging in there.

I had a moment this morn when I swallowed water and it seemed to burn going down. Almost brought a panic but I was a able to grab it by the horns and stop it. I think I will have two test done to confirm no physical aspect to it and then I think I can do this. God willing anyway.

So hang in there! There IS hope and we CAN do this! IF and WHEN it is really just a panic attack, we can overcome it. IF you have had test and they are all normal, it is panic. IF you have not, do like me and try to start having them all done so we can be sure we have checked the chart for physical.

Then we can defeat the mental! have a great day! I hope to, L.W.

The life of anxiety & Panic.

Very slowly cutting back on my meds and I mean slowly, a tiny bit at a time but I am amazed at how much of a difference it makes. I have to be careful but I am happy that I can even be at this point. I am still battling the mind but it is slowly getting better and I feel like I am getting back to me . I do not expect every day to be a success but I do not think it doesn’t have to be either.

I am learning to stress less, let go, not fixate on a thought and worry it into me to the point of feeling like it is going to drive me insane. I am learning to let¬† go of people’s ways and take them for who they are. I am me, they are them. What I might think is uber important and I need them, they may not even realize they were needed or maybe they just didn’t have time.

Before I got sick, when people called, I came to the best of my ability to be there. That is just my nature. I cannot stand to see people hurting or suffering and I cannot stand to sit till if someone is in need or needs someone. BUT, that is me. The way God geared me and that is what was hard for me. We are all made different. I am learning to accept that.

I am learning that is okay to have my heartbeat go up a bit.  It is exercise OR it is just happening. I have had some test done, not all but then again most have come back normal. If I I  take them all and all are normal, well, either way, life is life. What is going to happen will. That is why I feel my faith is important. If we believe in nothing, it can add to the anxiety. Or in my opinion anyway.

So today is another quest. Another challenge, another beautiful day that I hope to conquer. Today is here. I am here. That is awesome.

Why your children think you have gone haywire when they have a child

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, you¬†have it this way ,¬† clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times¬†the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha¬†).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your¬†own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that¬†that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.