I am learning as we all can how to control this better each day. I am still not there and won’t say I am because it takes a lot of work. However, in the struggle is a win. For every battle lost is a victory won. People do not understand this illness because it is a battle of the mind to control the actions of the body.
However, the stronger we make our minds, the weaker the anxiety gets because it has been and is being pushed away. I still hold a frozen rag in a baggie at times and I still have to battle old thoughts. But it is truly our minds that will overcome our anxiety and panic. It seems hard to believe that we can re-train our brain to be more positive. Take a look back at your past and see how much was negative and how much was positive.
It could have been abuse, neglect, fear, or as in my case, I just started this battle in early last year when I got sick. I had always been in control of my body and my mind stuck on to that fear in the hospital and ran with it.
For years I was not a social butterfly and shied away from people but I also allowed other people to make me feel negative with their comments said in a “joking” way that added fuel to a fire I did not even know was coming. So now that I am learning that I have to control this with a positive thought process I am also getting stronger in my ability to stand up to negative events and people.
I am shutting doors that should have been closed long ago. No, I am not becoming a robot and I am still outspoken but I am finding it is okay to speak out but it is in a better way because I have learned I do NOT have to feel negative, scared or afraid. I stop the thought before it can enter and my success rate since I started this blog is now at 60%. I say that because 40% of me is still battling.
I know it may take a while but it sure beats the panic attacks that made me think maybe I was going insane and it beats the anxiety because I am trying not to fixate or over think things anymore. I cannot stop what other say or do but I CAN control how it affects me.